1.10.13

Really? Thanks for leaving me this ladies...

2013

Wishing you all a year of health and happiness.  May you be ever changing and ever improving.  Im skipping the resolutions for a wish list.

To be present, truly present.
To keep on instilling the love of books in these Lil ladies.
To learn to love the gym
To say something kind more often
To love on my dude more
To do more and think less

The A word, our private struggle

We have been quietly fighting a battle in our home.

keeping it to ourselves.

Struggling thru.

Not because we are ashamed, but we were hoping for real answers before people shared their opinions

Just Waiting to see daylight.

But it seems now daylight, any kind of real answers are still months and months away.

Our sweet Kier has some noticeable delays. We went into this questioning her speech development. Those questions lead us tomore tests and then to people throwing around the A word. Autism. and that word lead us to BIG centers with people who said no, and to another who said well yes, maybe and its been an endless circle of yes and no and specialists. Each one leaving us with more questions and no answers. All we know right now is we dont know.

As a mother I want to scream. Waiting lists. Hoop jumping. Answering the same questions over and over and over. Frustrated doesnt even begin to describe it. I keep hoping the next appointment will be with someone who has a real answer, and if not an answer. A plan. An idea. Anything to help us help her navigate this world better. I want answers. I wanted them yesterday. But this is definetly going to be a game of endurance. Thankfully I am well prepared. When i look in that sweet perfect face, I know there is no end to the fight in me.

As I fight for my child, I have to battle the reality that she is not "normal", the idea that i did something wrong, the guilt. its not been easy. There are tears that I cannot explain, and anger and more questions. What could i do differently, what should I have done differently. why why why. But I know why...I was given this life because I am strong enough to live it. Alot of faith has been placed in me. 4 daughters. as if that challenge was not enough, now this. Alright then. Game on.

Happy 4th Birthday DeeGee!

You have taken on this life pedal to the metal since conception. We are still trying to catch up. We love you Reegan Riley Riann AND the sweet lil lady you have grown into. Someday soon lil Miss you are going to rule the world.

Day 23

My Mommy.

She is crazy and unconventional. But I wouldnt be me if she wasnt her.

She loves me, and she knows me. She knows me so well, that she checks to see what my color theme is for Christmas so she can get matching wrapping paper because she knows I CANNOT stand for things not to match. LOVE her for that.

Days 21 & 22

21- Quiet time with my hubby

22- can I be thankful for bed time again.... because I am.

Day 20

Marriage. My Marriage more specifically.

7 years ago I became Mrs. Fultz. We thought we were so grown...and looking back I can see we were just silly kids who were crazy crazy in love. We came into this union with very few examples of what a marriage should be. So even though we were stumbling blindly through it, making it up as we go along, I think we have been doing a pretty good job. We are more crazy in love. We are still best friends. It is still us against the world, only now us has grown from 2 to 6. I would still choose him, even on his worst day over any other man in this world. I am so thankful for the life we have built...the journey it has taken us on. ..and for where the future will take us.

Days 17, 18, 19

17- Books, for being my friend thru this crazy journey.

18- Bedtime...oh bedtime, Today I am so thankful you came today BEFORE I totally lost my mind

and

19- Music, when I cant put how I am feeling in words...there is always a song that hits it on the head. or takes me to a happy place, or reminds me of things I have forgotten.

Days 10.11.12.13.14.15.& 16

10, Cailin for her strong will and sense of self

11, Reegan and her bright and sunny self

12, Kieryn and her warm and compassionate heart

13, Adysen for her big smile and bigger personality

14, cuddly dinner and movie nights with my girlies

15, thoughtful unexpected gifts

16, books, books, books,

Day7, 8, 9

Day 7

Quiet productive mornings....

Day 8

Friends you can count on no matter what. I have been lucky to collect a handful throughout my life's journey.

Day 9

The CHALLENGES of motherhood. Big or small. They keep me growing and humble

Day 6

Football Sundays

a chance to unwind and enjoy some family time

Day 5

RETAIL THERAPY!!!!!

you get me thru some pretty rough days and keep us looking cute!!!!!

Day 4

TEXAS.

Yes, Texas. For still believing in family and friends. for wholesomeness and good shopping. friendly faces of strangers. warm sunny fall days. and a new beginning. a place to call home.

Day 3

Family.

not just the one i created... the crazy camp i came from, the friends who have become my chosen one.

i would be lost without it ( even if i wish some would get lost sometimes)

Day 2

my baby girls...

Motherhood has changed me and my life so much....is still changing me every single day.

30 days of Thankful...Day1

Lets start with a BIG one.


My husband Garrett.

for being my best friend, the love of my life. the father of my babies. For making me laugh, letting me cry, knowing what I need before i do sometimes. for riding this crazy ride. and making me fall in love with him over and over again.

And that ended that....

Its OFFICIAL. The voice has left me. I dunno if it is for good, but for now, there is no more baby voice. In the last 18 months I have witnessed more tragedies involving babies of people in my life than I have in the nearly 30 years prior. I am reminded to be grateful for the 4 perfect babies that were gifted to me. How lucky I am, because the road here was not smooth. It was full of heartbreak, and yet for others it is so much worse....I am so humbled, so grateful, so truly blessed. So I am going to focus on what I have and not long for more....

Scarecrow Parade

Today was the Scarecrow Parade at NCE. Check out my girl, do you think shed keep the crows away?

Maybe if I say it outloud, it will pass...

I admit it.  I have baby on the brain.  It started as a tiny whisper, but it has grown bigger and BIGGER over the last few months.  I was PRETTY sure my child bearing days were behind me. BUT now I am not so sure......  We arent doing anything crazy (thank you Mirena for making me be REALLY sure) but maybe just maybe. 

When Reegan grows up....

I think she is going to  be a photographer (just like you Miss Rebecca :))  She took these photos.  I might just have to stop scolding her for touching my camera and get her her very own.